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Wow - who is this guy? Where'd he come from? Is he really English? How'd he do that anyway? Did anyone see it?

Impressed I am!

who he?

He is your latest sporting hero. If he isn't all over your back page, then you aren't a sporting nation. Hmm, having said that, I guess time zones might have caused a problem there. Should be big news tomorrow perhaps. He'll be on the telly and radio but.

I admit it, I'm not a sporting nation.

Just checked the BBC website. He plays a game called "cricket" it seems.

Well I didn't mean you personally of course. Sometimes I get taken a bit too literally here.

One more performance like that and he'll be Sir Kevin Pietersen I should think. If he was an Aussie, he'd already have a car named after him, and a series of stamps in his honour. And breakfast cereals would have his picture all over the back panel where the nutrition information should be.

Yes, cricket - the sport of choice for all serious runners. England used to be good at it once. I remember they even won a series against us back in, ooooh, must have been 1987.

Gosh, that is a long time ago isn't it?

Well never mind lads, you get another chance in a few months time. Home turf too.

I can say with total confidence that we'll win the Ashes this year. It's time for a couple of decades of dominance to start. After the second test, you'll be begging for mercy.

Bring it on, as the admirable Mister Bush would say.

I'm feeling dizzy is evening. What's going on?

The clue is in the surname - he's a Springbok reject.
He was disgarded by the South African academy, moved to England and stayed long enough to become eligable to play for us. His sterling effort was sadly in vain tonight - unfortunately there's no other batsman with half his heart in the team (Freddie's at home having surgery on heel spurs).

He gets boo'd by the crowds and greeted at the crease by the SA team as 'traitor'. Nice to see him stick it to them on their own turf.

The dream is when your boys pop over for a game in the Summer Freddie will be back and the two will play together in our one day side.
You never know, we might give you a game this time

I still think you should give him a Knighthood or whatever it is you do over there. I mean, talk about courage in the line of fire! 211 runs behind, with only 25 overs left (and seemingly the game lost), a hostile crowd, a hostile press and he clobbers everyone and hits a 6 off the last ball to bring up his ton and very nearly won the game for you.

He definitely needs at least a packet of biscuits named after him... which come to think of it, would be a more worthwhile, more lucrative and probably far more popular award than some pretentious Sir-hood.

Kevin's Fingers . . .
or perhaps Pietersen's Pecan Crackers?

We flog uppity colonials here young man.

Sweder Wrote:We flog uppity colonials here young man.

Here we give them medals