World Cup Brazil 2014 / Weltmeisterschaft Brasilien

[El Gordo]

I have to say I am much taken, as I watch goal after goal in the Switzerland-France game, by the stylish hats worn by the Swiss fans. I mean the ones with a stuffed St Bernard on the brim. Please tell us you have one, El Gordo, and perhaps favour us with a photograph

I found the hats with the massive wedge of Gruyère cheese rather more to my taste, but sadly I was unable to locate either model at my usual milliner.

Someone commented drily during one of the recent matches that these bizarre 'get ups', as my mother used to say, must seem like a great idea in the heady hours of pre-match optimism, but always look humiliatingly ridiculous when the score has give the wearer a glum expression. Imagine trudging off home, or to your hotel, with that monstrosity bouncing around on your bonce while you dab the tears from your cheeks.