December

[marathondan]

The Monkey Lives… just

This post was due to be called “The Monkey is Dead”. Then I changed my mind.

Sunday night, the Gorilla Suit Feasibility Study extended to a 7.5 miler. Concerned that my outfit wasn’t doing justice to the potential full horrors, I also added tracksters, a sweatshirt, and a woolly hat to the ensemble.

It was pretty horrid from the off. Forcing breath in and out through the ski mask, layer upon layer oppressing my normally well-ventilated dome, my whole body save for my eyes immune to the slightest breeze. One of the worst bits is the lack of exhaust facilities. Every water-saturated exhalation is recycled around the head and neck, creating an internal atmosphere reminiscent of a dank cave. I fear that on a really long run, I might start to grow moss inside my clothes.

But after a mile or so, I got into the groove, Radio 4 soothed my mind, and things weren’t so bad. I was good for 2 or 3 miles. But I never really recovered from the one significant hill climb in my circuit. I was overheating, all my layers were soaked from the inside out, and as I prepared to swing by the house at 5 miles, to take on water and raisins, I’d given up. Ah well, the dream was over. I’d been dreaming along the “anything is possible” lines, the kind of inspiration that one draws from seeing an amputee running a marathon on crutches. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Well, I guess it is, but it seems I’m not in that league yet. Last year’s marathon may have gone as well as could possibly have been expected, but this year’s won’t be any easier, even before I start thinking about fancy dress shenanigans. And it turns out that a gorilla suit is up there with the worst of the outfits. Not for the faint-hearted, or faint-legged. Or those with limited time, and energy, and a penchant for the bare minimum of training.

I ripped off hat, hood, mask, gloves and fleece, and turned tail, embracing the cold late night air, into my short 2.5 mile lap. I was still overdressed, but the relief was tremendous. The remaining running was easy and comfortable and as it should be. I returned home in 68 minutes, collected my disgustingly soaked outer garments from the doorstep, and hit the shower feeling remarkably OK. The fact that Emma then proceeded to keep us awake till about 2am made the decision even more sensible. If I want to boost my sponsorship potential, I’m going to need to find a better way to do it.

But. But. But. Today the thought came upon me that the one thing I haven’t tried is slowing down. Sunday night was run at almost bang on last year’s marathon race pace. I could slow down by nearly 2 minutes per mile and be on for a sub-5 finish. I just think I should give it one more shot, just to check that it’s just as bad at a slower pace. If I don’t, there’ll always be that nagging doubt – and I’ll just feel the need to try again next year. So, next Sunday: 7.5 miles, 11 minute miles, the full clobber again. I suspect the monkey will still die. But he’s hanging on for another week.

[Sweder]

Can I ask a potentially dumb question: are there monkey suits designed for long-distance running (as opposed to the bog standard fancy dress type)? In other words, is there actually more than one way to skin an ape?

Seems to me there are quite a number of heavily-suited fancy dress runners at the London Marathon. They can't all be restricted to that degree; the last couple of FLMs have been extremely warm; wrapped up in that much gear you'd keel over after 10 miles. Perhaps there are ways to modify the traditional gorilla suit (shall we call it hair-suit? Shall we?) to allow some/ greater airflow on the run? Vents? Gore-tex hybrid?

Off on a slight tangent I re-read The Watchmen the other day. Amongst the illustrated chapters lies Under the Hood - the imagined diary of a retired masked vigilante. Fascinating rumination on design and production of practical superhero costumes (for actual crime fighting) in the late 1940's, early 1950's. Capes considered potentially dangerous (revolving doors, caught in turbines/ fast-spinning wheels etc - as beautifully parodied by Brad Bird in his masterpiece The Incredibles). Flexibility versus protection one of the main points to consider. Of course you don't need the protection as, unless you plan to combine hobbies, you won't be fighting crime on route. Sorry; I must stop drinking caffine in the afternoons.

[marathondan]

In the unlikely event that this goes ahead, I think custom made would be the way to go. Vents, thin material, soft lining at the pressure points, etc etc. It might even end up more comfortable than my manky old training gear. But such considerations will be left till the new year.

There are a few threads on the RW forum about the Great Gorilla Run. I don't think those suits were made with running in mind. The biggest complaint seems to be the rubber mask sticking to the face. I'm thinking get a mask as thin as possible, and line it with fabric. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Oh, and don't be tempted, like I was, to Google "gorilla mask". And if you already know what the result will be, shame on you.

There's a nice piece on the trials and tribulations of (serious) fancy dress running here.

[Bierzo Baggie]

May I add my support to the gorilla project (easy for me to say, I'm not doing it!) Where there's a will there's a way. You'll certainly need plenty of liquid... and the odd banana.

[marathondan]

This damn monkey won’t die.

I missed my two midweek runs, due to pre-Christmas busyness, work, and general tiredness. Not a disaster at this stage; I’ll count it as a step-back.

Sunday night I decided to pull on the heavy gear again and try slowing down by 2 mins per mile. My watch isn’t a clever running specialist, and it doesn’t have a backlight, and I run at night, so normally I know nothing about my pace until I get home. This is normally quite nice (and I’m therefore astounded when I complete a 5 mile circuit within 10 seconds of the previous attempt – it happens). So to have some idea of how I would be doing, time-wise, I made a note of the mile points on my regular 5 mile loop. I’ve been running this route for years, and I’ve never bothered to check those before – they’re interesting to know.

So with the fleecy layers on, and the BBC’s Material World podcast in my earphones, I set off at a more gentle pace than usual. My preconception was it would be ridiculously easy – two minutes per mile is a lot. And indeed, despite maintaining what I thought was a slow plod, I hit the first mile marker only 30 seconds slower than usual. Oh no, I’m just too fit, I just can’t run this slowly.

I’ve written before on the dull matter of my breathing patterns, so I won’t repeat myself. But at this point I decided to drop from 3/3, my normal steady pattern, down to 4/4, normally reserved for joint-conserving downhill drifts in long runs or half marathons. This seemed to do the trick – if I couldn’t catch my breath at 4/4 then I knew I was going too fast. After 5 miles I was pretty much on schedule, and feeling infinitely better than the previous week. I plodded on with no problems, and came home in an average pace of 1 min 45 sec slower than normal, equivalent to 4:40 marathon pace. That’ll do nicely.

Despite the 4/4 pace feeling very easy, after 7.5 miles I don’t think I’d have liked to have been running any harder than that, so I really do need to push the distance out to see if I can cope. One thing I did notice was that joint stress seemed higher (manifesting itself as a bit of hip pain during, and a sore ankle afterwards). I guess the load on your joints is more proportional to the number of footfalls than the distance covered. If that theory is correct, my joints may be subjected to 25% more load than normal – and a marathon might feel more like 30 miles.

Back at base, having peeled off the customary disgusting sweaty layers, I really felt fresh as a daisy, so cardio-wise it really was no problem. To my dismay I noticed that some small areas of my body were only encased in one layer of clothing – next week I should really add a scarf to max out the discomfort.

Only two more weekends left of the year (and decade…) – I must make them count, and get up to 10 miles.

------------

BB, thanks for your encouragement. I'm not sure if encouragement or a reality check is better for me at the moment. The strange thing is, as well as doing the crazy training, and dragging my dehydrated soul along Brighton prom for 5 hours, I will really have to crank up the fundraising effort. The whole project will be worth naught if it doesn't raise extra cash. Just running a marathon in a monkey suit for fun -- elevating common-or-garden torture to something the CIA would be proud of -- is pretty foolish. And I'm not sure I'm ready for the shameless self-promotion that entails.

BTW, a long while ago I did try out replacing gels with bananas for in-race refuelling. It's a nice idea, but a banana that's been bouncing around in a bumbag for an hour is not an appetising sight. Then again, maybe I could sew some banana pouches into the outfit...

[Bierzo Baggie]

Specially for you ... and with subtitles in Japanese.



Stick this on yer i-pod and go for that 10-miler!

[marathondan]

Thanks mate, fantastic. I was thinking of this:

[Sweder]

I love that Specials clip. Reminds me of how club gigs used to be; impossibly sweaty, claustrophobic affairs.
Wonderful.

[marathondan]

I love that Specials clip. Reminds me of how club gigs used to be; impossibly sweaty, claustrophobic affairs.
Wonderful.

And that's just on the stage...

[marathondan]

I lost one short run this week due to the snow, but ventured out last night to test the conditions, and bag a long one if it was safe to do so. I eschewed both the mp3 player and the silly clothes, allowing me to concentrate better on staying upright. The pavements looked treacherous, but the lightly compacted powder offered plenty of bite to my road shoes, and, concentrating on square, flat footfalls, there was little problem. It was a nice night to be out, probably only a shade below zero, with a clear starry sky and street-lit snowscapes opening out like floodlit pistes. Well, pistes with houses and cars on them, anyway.

I felt I was slowed a little by the necessary careful progress, but the watch showed 2 minutes faster than the last time I ran this 8.15 mile route - my final pre-London LSD back in April. But the records also show that by early March I was running it as a tempo route, 5 minutes faster still.

It's all grist to the mill and miles in the bank. I'm pleased to have achieved something in spite of the weather. December has so far been good groundwork for the relentless spreadsheet-ticking of the next 3.5 months to come.

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Good work MD. I have to admit I'm at a loss to understand how you can run in such conditions. I thought the only thing it was good for was chilling your lager... but running? No way!

[El Gordo]

Yes indeed, well done Dan -- you and Sweder have made me feel rightly embarrassed about using the icy pavements as an excuse not to go for a weekend run. I couldn't do the apesuit thing myself. There are only so many monkeys I can keep on my back at any one time.

Have you got a fundraising page set up yet? If you've already advertised it, sorry, I've forgotten about it. Do repeat it, and I'm sure you'll start to get some donations rolling in from some of your RC fans.

MLCM -- running around the freezing mark is nothing. I'm always reminded of Suzie mentioning her sub 25 degree runs, when her water bottle freezes shortly after setting off. Now that's cold! I suspect most of us here prefer the cold weather (at least our version rather than Canada's) for running, rather than the claustrophobic heat of summer. Spring is still the best season though.

[Sweder]

Well said EG. I was mindful of Suzie Q's exploits when I was struggling yesterday; compared with conditions in Calgary we're going through a bit of a cold spell.

I love running in cold weather. There's the joy of that first icy snap as you leave the house, the (very quick in my case) warming up as you get going, that terrible moment when you peel off your sweaty top to reveal a pink slab of chilled lard followed by the exquisite kiss of hot shower on frozen flesh. Ice & snow are troublesome for us Englishfolk; we're singularly useless at handling any kind of 'extreme' weather changes. I'd have to say Autumn through to Spring is my favorite time of the running year.

[marathondan]

Yes, running a few degrees below zero is nice, so long as there's little wind and the surface is safe. I still find I need to take on as much water as during warmer conditions. Running above 30C, now that's madness...

As all runners know, there's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. But yes, maximum respect goes to Suzie.

EG, your location is more rural than mine, so likely to be more treacherous. And Sweder's is even more rural, meaning he can utilise the extra grip of the frozen sheep poo. But don't let that relieve your embarrassment.

Regarding the monkey suit, I still haven't made a decision, and I'd say it's 50/50. This is the first time I've entered a marathon without needing a golden bond, so I can be a bit more relaxed about the fundraising. I think I might actually go to a fancy dress shop and try one on, just to get a feeling for the stupidity of the exercise.

Hmm, I wonder what they'd say if I rolled up with a treadmill, and asked if they do gait analysis...?

[marathondan]

Seasons greetings, one and all.

Two outings to report since my last confession. By the Weds before Xmas, the thaw had started so I ventured out late at night. This would normally be a fartlek session, but the pavements were still too treacherous for all-out sprinting, so I set out with the intention of some sort of tempo run. As it turned out, fartlek wasn’t too far off the mark. The roads were clear, but the pavements still were icy under a slick layer of water. So I was able to progress at a fair lick on the roads, then whenever a car approached, I had to leap the black torrent of glacial melt running down the gutter, and adopt a high-knees, flat-footed trot, to ensure stability on the pavement. An unconventional interval workout, but certainly better than a big zero on the log.

Then Sunday night I took on the fabled 10 miler in the heavy costume – this time with a scarf added, to try and block up one of the last few ventilation points. At a slow plod, progress was pretty comfortable, the only negative again being a bit of a twinge on the left hip, no doubt due to my less efficient gait. And again, the head-in-a-sauna sensation was the worst part, although like most running discomforts, it comes and goes.

For the most part, the usual Radio 4 warblings kept my mind occupied and my adrenaline levels suitably low. Then with about three quarters of a mile left, I flicked over to an 80s compilation put together for New Year’s Eve. So tragically, my track du jour is Wham!’s Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.

When you’ve just trotted 9 miles, at restricted pace, with several pounds of sweat-soaked fleece wound round your head, the opening bars of a feel-good pop song are like downing half a pint of triple espresso energy gel, washed down with a bucket of Red Bull. The shackles were off and I flew home, maniacal grin fortunately covered by the ski mask. Stretching the legs was a tremendous feeling after all that shuffling, and the good news was that there was plenty left in the tank.

Rarely can a tired and lonely man, out on the streets late at night, have been so stimulated by an oral performance by George Michael.

Or maybe that’s not quite true.

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

So the gorilla suit is still a possibility?

And I'm a bit worried about your choice of words re George Michael!

[marathondan]

Yep, still a possibility... I need to pop down to my local fancy dress shop and try on one. Watch this space...

And yes, George went down very well at the New Year party.

[marathondan]

562 miles banked. I expect 2010 to look pretty similar...
   

[glaconman]

Dan;

On my Boxing Day run I saw this person:

tree runner

I thought it was a failry 'high impact' costume. But it also allowed them to have a relatively exposed face, arms and legs.

The tree angle opens up some possibilities for interest such as nests and various bits of wildlife.

Just trying to float some alternatives to the gorilla; which I think will be urm ... uncomfortable.

[El Gordo]

Dan;

On my Boxing Day run I saw this person:

tree runner

I thought it was a failry 'high impact' costume. But it also allowed them to have a relatively exposed face, arms and legs.

The tree angle opens up some possibilities for interest such as nests and various bits of wildlife.

Just trying to float some alternatives to the gorilla; which I think will be urm ... uncomfortable.

That tree runner -- fantastic. I bet s/he had plenty of space lining up at the start.

Maybe you could branch out in this direction, Dan.