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A U.S. Marine squad marching north of Faluijiah came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar state.

The Marine was still conscious and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked him what had happened.

"I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway. Coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

He wouldn't show himself so I could get a shot off, so I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag. He yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk.

"So I yelled back that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!" He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hilary Clinton".

And, there we were, in the middle of the road shaking hands, when the truck hit us.

A VERY non-PC joke, but as I'm of Irish stock, I reckon I can get away with it:


Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said 'Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair'.

Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK? Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent."

"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will" replies Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my van and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

"Well... yes", says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d' y' know dat?"

The owner replied, "This is a dry cleaners."

Sweder Wrote:A man goes to the doctors complaining of terrible stomach cramps.
The doctors says "I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating."
"Why?" says the man.
"Because I'm trying to examine you" says the doctor.

A new sequel to The Exorcist is being filmed.
In this version a woman hires the Devil to get a Priest out of her son.

Rather lowers the tone, what?

Liverpool town centre was cordoned off taday whilst a suspicious item was remove from a vehicle.

This was later found to be a current road tax disc.

Yours????

andy Wrote:
Rather lowers the tone, what?

Ageed - deleted with apologies - posted after a prolonged visit to the local hostelry where they sounded very, very funny. I agree, somewhat less appropriate in sober - and public - company. Can't delete your repeat but feel free to 'tidy' these up. :o